a path of fireflies

i only wish the world were gentler to animals like me

-soft words from me

if you had to decide, or describe what your soul looks and feels like, how would you describe it?

my soul is eternally burning with longing and it aches for its impossible existence. it’s abrasive on the outside and milk soft on the inside like a pecan. it’s warm like embers, burgundy red and hugs a cape of ash darkness like painite, if only freckled with stars.

i spent an awful lot of time reminiscing on memories long passed while i was in the psych-ward. even while deep in a trance- like narcosis state i could still remember the companionship of young sick people with trauma. the way we were together. some helped eachother, others were mean. at the end of the day even a worm will turn. and that’s okay. because more often times then not i miss it. i long for it. the enviroment of being in mental remission and having the validation of folks knowing you’re sick and actively trying to help you is exactly what i need sometimes.

my rehab counselor always tells me “were not bitter bitches, were better bitches”

onto better topics

tonight i just ordered the greek magical papyri in translation along with a few other things such as:

1. sony camcorder for future youtube video uploads

1. handmade wand carved from white willow tree wood

1. egyptian kyphi oil

1. dragons blood ink for magical writing

i currently don’t have a job i’m studying for my final medical billing and coding exam in early december where i will pursue a work from home job as an insurance specialist. it’s not my passion but i have to do what i can to work from home to take care of my sick dad. i’m mentally unwell and need an opportunity to have space to practice all of my passions hand in hand with my job.

but in these special times of new beginnings i can splurge on special items that i’ve been longing for to start my new way of magic.

i discovered today that the school of magic i’m apart of is called traditional magic, so i have a direction to look towards when searching for books and research as a whole.

oh how i wish i could frolic into the forest with foxes and bunnies and deers all around me. i’ve always felt more comfortable around animals rather then actual people. i truly feel that i can understand my kitten and she can understand me. here’s a picture of my best friend (and only friend) in the entire world:

some updates:

1. i started watching season 9 of rupaul’s drag race and realized it’s nowhere near as fabulous as the show “dragula” on amazon video. it reminded me of when i would wear a corpse paint styled drag look every day to express how i didn’t want to be judged based off of how i looked but to erase that factor and add in a fear factor
2. i’m going to start religiously writing in my journals. i stopped because i tried to write about my feelings but went into depression and haven’t picked up a journal since. i have 5 different journals which i will show in another blog post
3. i’m going to practice my hand writing because i have the worst handwriting ever and i want to write in a sort of fancy cursive vintage way.
4. i really really want to start scrying with crystal balls but i can’t seem to find one that i can afford. i could settle for a little mirror but i had my heart set on a crystal ball.
5. i finished What we do in the Shadows and it was so amazing 10/10 review and started watching The Golden Girls and i absolutely love it!!! it’s about older ladies and i love old folks in a way i can’t explain!! i learn so much from them.

more tomorrow! love jane willow <3