got the morbs

i want to apologize for not being as consistent on here as i hoped to be but i’ve been going through some things. for months i’ve been in the worst depression of my life and it feels never ending and it’s becoming my default setting. i’m not doing well, but the important note is that i’m trying my best to get better. aside from that todays topic is

i haven’t been doing the hobbies i normally do to stay busy like keeping up with my many journals or reading one book a month or my many side projects. usually i’ll see something that i have to have and then i’ll spend the next few days making it from scratch. i consider myself a jack of all trades in the sense that i can sew, crochet, sculpt, paint, sketch, make music, write and so on. i know how to do a lot of things but they aren't necessarily the tools someone really needs to survive in this modern era. that’s why i call them my hobbies. but really in my heart all the art that i make i consider “my life’s work”. my goal is to have tangible art that shows i was here, that i went through this and made that from it. it’s my legacy. i made a promise to myself that i would never stop making art, then i bit into the pomegranate

time for goth talk!

i want to talk about where i stand with the goth and metal community. i’ve come to a point in my life after years and years of being “alternative” where i don’t feel like i fit in anymore. the best way to explain it is saying i am just not apart of the madness anymore. you have to have a quality to stand out and reject mainstream society. i have this quality and hold it extremely close to my heart . i hate all pop music that’s on the radios and on social media i can’t stand it, but for some reason i don’t feel the urge to dress big anymore. and by big i mean wearing close that stand out and aren’t clothes every day people wear. there’s nothing wrong with dressing big. but sometimes i just want to wear a cardigan and some girls boxer shorts. if there’s any style i want to dress as the most it would be dressing like a tortured writer/artist. it’s everything i want. it’s quiet. there’s so much noise in my head all the time that all the metal music i listen to just makes everything louder. i still listen to metal and goth music but occasionally i like to listen to 70s rock too. see the thing about metal heads is sometimes they think if you listen to anything but metal then you’re a poser and you’re not metal, but the truth is there’s many facets to a person and there’s a music genre to cover all those bases, so listen to whatever you want! fuck caring about what others think of you. i want to dress like me, im constantly changing and i want my wardrobe to make me feel attractive inside and out and dressing like my old self isn’t doing it for me right now. in the future i’ll probably go back to it but for now i just want quiet.

i have nobody to talk to and a lot to say so i’ll probably start blogging again, it really does make me feel better even if i feel like im talking to nobody. it’s pleasing…

thank you for listening!